I LOVE this blog Thx Thx Thx by Leah Dietrich.
A simple but very powerful way to practice gratitude.
A handwritten, post-it, thank you note a day to all sorts of life’s often small and overlooked pleasures.
Thank you Leah.
And a great idea to steal.
Can you write a post-it note thank you to yourself, your kids, your work, your partner?
Who needs one right now?
I received this email from two Honours students at Monash University. They are looking for people 
interested in participating in their research on happiness.
If you’re keen, see below!
Our names are Natasha Odou and Kimberley Seear and we are conducting research as part of our Honours degree in Psychology at Monash University.
We are looking for participants for a study looking at methods for increasing well-being. Participation will involve completing anonymous questionnaires online and a short individual activity.
Participants go in the draw to win one of two double Gold Class movie passes.
If you are interested in participating, please go to:
Regardless of whether you have a career or not, the pressures of parenting can be overwhelming. After 
all, the future of another life is in your hands.
Obviously, the natural tendency is to put your child’s needs before your own.
However, neglecting your own wellbeing can adversely affect the relationship you have with your child, and their wellbeing as well.
That’s why Parent Wellbeing and Optimistic Kids have come together to create the Positive Parents, Resilient Kids program that teaches parents scientifically proven ways to build wellbeing and resilience.
The program is based on psychological research which shows that positive emotions and adaptive behaviours lead to better relationships, better health, less depression and anxiety, and greater life success.
In this innovative program, you will learn cutting edge life skills for your family.
How your wellbeing impacts on your children’s wellbeing
How optimistic thinking helps you and your children overcome adversity
How to build a stronger relationship with your children based on love, respect and support
Learnt vital life skills to help your children cope with life’s challenges
Learnt proven ways to increase your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your children
Established a blueprint for being the parent you want to be
Our next Positive Parents Resilient Kids program is taking place in Adelaide.
1pm - 4pm Saturday 15 May and Saturday 22 May 2010
Box Factory Community Centre, 59 Regent Street South, Adelaide, 5000
$350 Private health and Medicare rebates may apply
Enjoy a $25 discount if you book before 30th of April 2010.
Book now!
Phone 08 8264 2311
Email fiona@optimistickids.com.au
Jodie Benveniste has a background in psychology, academic research and management consulting, and is the director and founder of Parent Wellbeing. She is the author of four books including Full Belly: Comfort and inspiration for pregnancy and birth, and Little Bundle: Comfort and inspiration for new parents. She is Affiliate Lecturer in the School of Psychology at the University of Adelaide, Editorial Advisor for Wondertime Magazine, and is mum to two young children.
Karen Davies is a Clinical psychologist with a special interest in working with children and adolescents. She is a member of the Clinical College of the Australian Psychological Society. Karen combines working in private practice with running Optimistic Kids programs and facilitating workshops in managing motherhood. Originally from an educational background, Karen’s passion is taking a proactive approach to assist young people to live rich and fulfilled lives, utilising a combination of psychological and educational techniques.
Enjoy a $25 discount if you book before 23rd of April 2010.
Phone 08 8264 2311 or email fiona@optimistickids.com.au
We’ve all experienced it. Those mornings when by the time you’ve finally bustled the kids into the car, you 
just feel like crawling back into bed.
Well here’s my 5 tips for getting out of the house on time so we all start the day a little better.
1. Be realistic
You may be able to grab your bag and get out of the house within a few seconds, but your toddler will need to find his ruggie, stop to pat the cat, complain that you opened the door instead of him, and jump in the puddles instead of get in the car.
2. Promote responsibility
Your school age child may still want the star treatment, ‘Fetch my school bag, lunch box and communication book, mum. And no blue smarties!’ But teaching her a simple morning routine - get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth, and pack bag - helps you and her.
3. Stay calm
When your daughter is still playing with her ponies rather than putting on her shoes, and your son has upended a bottle of milk on the kitchen floor, it takes Mother Theresa patience not to scream and yell. Instead, breathe and think ‘I’m an absolute saint for calmly cleaning up the milk and calmly requesting my daughter to put on her shoes.’
4. Appreciate the good
In every situation, no matter how busy, stressful or frustrating, there are always pockets of good. So instead of getting irritated at your toddler for pulling off his jumper for the third time, admire, just for a moment, his tenacity.
5. Think energy not time
We all have too much to do and too little time. And there will never be enough time. But if you focus on getting out the door without feeling like you’ve been hit by a train, then that is probably more important than whether you are running 5 minutes late.
I’ve been reading some very interesting research about the relationships between how stressed we are as 
parents, our parenting style, and outcomes for our kids.
There is a lot of very useful information in this study, but I’d like to concentrate on just one issue in this article, and it relates to a BIG frustration most, if not ALL, parents experience:
How to get our kids to do what we ask them to do when we ask them to do it.
In my fantasy parent land, my kids would do what I ask when I ask without grumbling, whinging, ignoring or defying.
My fantasy parent land doesn’t exist.
Sometimes my kids do as I ask. And sometimes they don’t. Sometimes I stay calm. And sometimes I don’t.
But what’s interesting is how MY behaviour affects the situation.
Back to the research. The study videotaped parents with their children aged 3 - 5 years.
In the room, there were boxes of toys (Lego, cars, trucks, dolls, a kitchen set etc).
The parents were first asked to play with their kids and the toys.
After 10 minutes, parents asked their children to tidy up the toys into the boxes. The parents weren’t allowed to help their child.
The parents of children who didn’t tidy up did three major things differently to parents of kids who did tidy up.
Indirect, vague or repeated commands
Parents were more likely to use indirect, vague or repeated commands.
An indirect or vague command is: ‘Won’t you tidy up now?’ rather than telling the child kindly but firmly, ‘It’s time to tidy up now.’
And a repeated command was: ‘Pick up that car. And that truck. And the doll’ without allowing time for the child to respond.
Criticism
Parents were more likely to critcise such as ‘That’s not good at all’. Rather than praise, ‘Well done. It’s looking much tidier.’
Overreaction
Parents were more likely to overreact by being harsh and punishing the child.
So what does this tell us?
Yelling, screaming, and overreacting doesn’t work. But we probably already knew that.
We can’t always be the model parent. And sometimes, even when we remain firm but calm our kids still don’t listen!
But what the study does tell us is that being firm but calm helps both us and our kids manage the situation better.
Regardless of whether you have a career or not, the pressures of parenting can be overwhelming. After all, 
the future of another life is in your hands.
Obviously, the natural tendency is to put your child’s needs before your own.
However, neglecting your own wellbeing can adversely affect the relationship you have with your child, and their wellbeing as well.
That’s why Parent Wellbeing and Optimistic Kids have come together to create the Positive Parents, Resilient Kids program that teaches parents scientifically proven ways to build wellbeing and resilience.
The program is based on psychological research which shows that positive emotions and adaptive behaviours lead to better relationships, better health, less depression and anxiety, and greater life success.
In this innovative program, you will learn cutting edge life skills for your family.
We’ll cover:
How your wellbeing impacts on your children’s wellbeing
How optimistic thinking helps you and your children overcome adversity
How to build a stronger relationship with your children based on love, respect and support
By the end of the program, you will have:
Learnt vital life skills to help your children cope with life’s challenges
Learnt proven ways to increase your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your children
Established a blueprint for being the parent you want to be
Our next Positive Parents Resilient Kids program will commence in early 2010.
This workshop is taking place in Adelaide. But we hope to offer this program in other states too.
Schedule:
1pm - 4pm Saturday 15 May and Saturday 22 May 2010
Location:
Box Factory Community Centre, 59 Regent Street South, Adelaide, 5000
Cost:
$350 Private health and Medicare rebates may apply
RSVP:
7 May 2010
Phone 08 8264 2311
Email fiona@optimistickids.com.au
Jodie Benveniste has a background in psychology, academic research and management consulting, and is the director and founder of Parent Wellbeing. She is the author of four books including Full Belly: Comfort and inspiration for pregnancy and birth, and Little Bundle: Comfort and inspiration for new parents. She is Affiliate Lecturer in the School of Psychology at the University of Adelaide, Editorial Advisor for Wondertime Magazine, and is mum to two young children.
Karen Davies is a Clinical psychologist with a special interest in working with children and adolescents. She is a member of the Clinical College of the Australian Psychological Society. Karen combines working in private practice with running Optimistic Kids programs and facilitating workshops in managing motherhood. Originally from an educational background, Karen’s passion is taking a proactive approach to assist young people to live rich and fulfilled lives, utilising a combination of psychological and educational techniques.
I was flabbergasted. I had just read an article by a parenting publication that pitted parent against child, that
painted parenting in terms of black and white, and that purported to support parents whilst undermining individual differences.
‘There are only two parenting styles’, the article retorted, ‘one that meets the child’s needs and one that meet’s the parents’ needs.’ And never the twain shall meet.
Differences of opinion
My major struggle when first becoming a parent over six years ago was the barrage of conflicting information that overwhelms inexperienced and uncertain first-time mothers. The you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ language which all too often pervades expert language, and which sabotages new mother confidence.
Differing opinions on baby care abound in bucket-loads. One stark example is sleep. Some experts tell you to ‘teach’ your baby to sleep, which involves, to varying degrees, leaving your baby to cry. Other experts on attachment parenting advocate sleeping with your baby and never letting her cry. Both tend to suggest that their method is ‘best for baby’. But since they advocate diametrically opposed approaches, how can they both be right?
Best for baby or best for parents?
I like a measure of routine, order and independence for my baby and myself, so I lean towards the teaching to sleep rather than attachment parenting. But I acknowledge that my style of parenting is not solely about what method is ‘best for baby’, nor which method is superior. Instead, my style of parenting reflects the person that I am, and what is best for me - and my baby.
In reality, what is best for parents is often closely aligned with what is ‘best for baby’. If you are uncomfortable letting your baby cry, or if you don’t like co-sleeping, following someone else’s methods won’t work. Parents decide how to care for their children based on the people that they are. This is not selfishness, or a reason to feel guilty. This is realistic.
When you love and care for your children in a way that is consistent with your philosophies and beliefs you provide your children the best possible care. And you also recognise that parenting is a combination of art and science.
Science is helpful. That is, knowing a child’s developmental abilities and limitations helps you better understand your child’s behaviour, and better manage your own expectations. But art is equally important.
The parent-child relationship is one of the deepest, most engaging and most intriguing relationships we can experience. The love for a child is unparallel. Raising a child evokes love and angst in almost equal measures. There is amazement at the child you have created, and remorse for the version of ‘you’ you have left behind. This is often not talked about because children are a gift. But it is felt.
Parenting -the right way…
There are as many ways to care for a child as there are parents on this planet. There is no one right way, and there certainly isn’t a blanket: ‘best for baby’ and therefore ‘bad for parents’ or ‘best for parents’ and therefore ‘bad for baby’ unless the parameters include neglect or abuse.
Every significant relationship in our lives is a dynamic interchange between two people. Our baby bring as much to the relationship as we do. They are not innocent observers. From day one, they are active participants. We teach them, and they teach us. We learn from them, and they learn from us. We love them, and they love us.
There is no black versus white, us versus them, my needs versus your needs. Instead, there is a unique connection which fuels a life together. A life which is rich with intense emotion, unexpected insights, and deep reciprocity.
There is no more amazing a job than being a parent. But there is also no job more difficult. We all find our way through the parenting quagmire by filtering advice, harking back to our own upbringing and going with our gut. There is no other way. Adhering to someone else’s strict view of a ‘good parent’, a ‘good child’ and a ‘good family’ is ultimately unfulfilling, unsustainable, and not ‘good’ for anyone.
Judging others
Judging other parents by their own or their child’s behaviour is commonplace, and can happen instinctively. We declare, ‘I would never let my baby cry for that long’, so we go to our baby whenever she cries. We think, ‘She gave up on breastfeeding so easily’, as we persevere with breastfeeding. We notice, ‘She speaks so calmly and patiently to her baby’, and we try to do the same.
We are all different, even though we share a common moniker, so we make different choices about how to care for our children. There is no harm in making judgements to determine what kind of parent you want to be. But harm can be done if you impose your judgements on others. If you openly criticise others, you undermine somebody else’s choices.
By keeping an open mind about how we care for our children, and how others care for theirs, we share the trials and the triumphs of parenting. When we pit ‘parent against child’ or ‘parent against parent’ or ‘child against child’, we oversimplify what is a complex, multi-dimensional, multi-layered relationship.
There are more than two styles of parenting. There are many. And both parents’ needs and children’s needs are equally valid. Because that is where the twain does meet.
Do you have a child aged between 6 months and 10 years?
If so, Dr. Anne Walsh from the School of Nursing at the Queensland University of Technology is interested in what you have to say about searching for information on child health issues, such as a rash, cut or the flu.
If you are interested in being involved in a brief online survey about how parents search for and decide which child health information to use, please follow the link:
We’re getting ready for a Parent Wellbeing overhaul. 
But before we begin, we need your help!
We would love to know what you think about Parent Wellbeing as it currently exists, and how it can change so it is more valuable to you and your life.
We’ve got millions of ideas, but ideas are only useful to us if they’re useful to you.
So please take 5 mins to answer our Parent Wellbeing Revamp survey - and go in the running to win a $50.00 Westfield Voucher!
Click on the link below to complete our 5 min survey and to go in the running to win a $50.00 Westfield Voucher.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/WM36C8T
Or if some reason the shorter link doesn’t work, here is the full link:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=retzQd78ntgXeWf3DSDajg_3d_3d
We look forward to hearing your thoughts!
Richard Wiseman, a psychologist at the University of Hertfordshire and author of The Luck Factor, has 
researched over 400 ‘lucky’ and ‘unlucky’ people and discovered that luck is no accident.
Instead, he found that we create our own good or bad fortune.
The major difference between lucky and unlucky people is that the less fortunate are more tense and uptight, and so fail to notice the unexpected and chance opportunities.
Lucky people, by contrast, create their own good luck four ways:
Lucky people create, notice and act upon the chance opportunities in their lives.
They build stronger and wider networks with others, have a relaxed attitude to life and enjoy new experiences.
Lucky people make successful decisions by using their intuition and gut feelings.
They listen to their hunches and boost their intuition.
Lucky people’s expectations about the future help them fulfill their dreams and ambitions.
They expect good fortune, attempt their goals, and set high expectations.
Lucky people are able to transform their bad luck into good fortune.
They see the positive, take the long view and focus on being constructive.
So luck it seems is a choice. It is a way of seeing, interacting with and interpreting your world. Luck is a state of mind.
But luck also occurs through action. If you never set a goal and try to achieve it, you will never ‘get lucky’.
And luck is also about being optimistically open to the unexpected, the interesting, and the unusual.
We can all, therefore, create our own good luck no matter which way the cards fall.
For more information, including a free ebooklet, The Complete Guide to Luck, visit www.theluckfactor.com
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