By Jodie Benveniste, Director Parent Wellbeing

I’ve always maintained that there are as many ways to parent as there are parents and kids.  That is, we are all different.  We all have different histories, personalities and lifestyles and we need to find a way to parent that suits us and our children.

Parenting and being a parent is more art than science.  And finding the best way to care for your kids and yourself takes trial and error, a bit of insight into what makes us and our kids’ tick, and intiution.

But there is one qualifier.  Research tells us something very important about what style of parenting is most beneficial for children and families overall.

Three different parenting styles have been identified:

1. Authoritarian parents

Authoritarian parents are firm, harsh, punitive and emotionally very cold.  They expect their kids to obey them because they are the parents and because ‘They said so…’.  They punish their kids harshly if they misbehave, and they aren’t very loving or affectionate.

2. Permissive parents

Permissive parents are very loving but they are also very lax.  They don’t control or discipline their children.  Instead, kids have the freedom to do what they want when they want, and they don’t receive a lot of guidance about how to live their life.

3. Authoritative parents

Authoritative parents are loving but aren’t too loose with their parenting. They set limits and boundaries, explain why there are boundaries, but they also encourage independence.  And they are loving and emotionally available.

No guessing which style of parenting is the best.  It’s authoritative parenting.

Research shows that children who grow up with authoritarian parents can be unhappy, dependent and submissive.  Kids with permissive parents can be immature, impatient and sometimes aggressive.

Whereas, kids who grow up with authoritative parents are friendly, cooperative, socially responsible and self-reliant.

So if you want a maxim for good parenting remember these three things:

1. Be warm and responsive

2. Set boundaries

3. Be consistent

And within these three guidelines, there is plenty of room for being the parent you want to be.

By Jodie Benveniste, director of Parent Wellbeing

By Aren Cohen.  This is an edited version of an article first published on Positive Psychology News Daily.

So what is this love that we bandy about all the time? Love comes in many different shapes and sizes.

Most frequently we think of love in terms of romantic love- that heady experience that is so often glorified in romantic comedies, the first blush of meeting a lover and falling “head over heels” for him or her.

In his book The Happiness Hypothesis, Jon Haidt (2006) explains that in romantic love there are in fact two stages. The first, the one that Hollywood usually celebrates and lionizes is called Passionate Love. This is the love where we nuzzle, we gaze into each others’ eyes, and we “fall” into love.

By comparison, there is a second stage of romantic love that called Companionate Love. After you have known someone for a while, once you know his or her quirks, once you have decided to join your lives together, well, then you are companions, and your love is companionate in nature.

But, with all this talk of romantic love, we forget that there are many other kinds of love out there. Our love for our parents, children and friends are also all profound kinds of love.

Stephen Post, in his book Unlimited Love, (2003) gives us different classifications of love. He says that the types of love include: celebration, compassion, forgiveness, care, companionship and correction.

The different textures of these kinds of love make us more aware of the fine tuning of the emotions we feel when we say we love someone. This is useful because this kind of granulation allows us to appreciate the fine gradations of our feelings when we talk about this grand thing called love.

Perhaps one of the biggest challenges is that love, like all positive emotions, borders on the spiritual. An emotion that makes us feel that good is both mysterious and mystical, and maybe to a certain degree it should stay that way.

The biology of love is all well and good, but more important to me is the way my mother’s hug feels, how that look from him makes my heart beat quicken. Yes we can give it words, we can give it science, but at the end of the day, what we feel borders on the magical, because it happens uniquely to us, in only that rarified situation.

When we feel it deep in our hearts and our brains, our need to translate it into words and science recedes into the background. Maybe that’s why we have love songs. They allow us to feel it, to confirm that love does exists, and that people definitely love each other, no matter what questions the musicians might ask.

By Aren Cohen.  This is an edited version of an article first published on Positive Psychology News Daily.

By Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project

One of the most commonly made, and most frequently broken, New Year’s resolutions is the resolution to exercise more.

People who exercise are healthier, more energetic, think more clearly, sleep better, have delayed onset of dementia…the list goes on.

There’s also a lot of research into the connection between exercise and happiness - some studies suggest that it provides a real boost, some studies suggest that while correlated, exercise isn’t a factor in making people happier. I’m interested to see what further studies reveal, but I’ve made up my own mind: in my experience, and the experience of everyone I know who exercises, exercise makes me calmer, more cheerful, and more alert.

But even once you’re convinced of the benefits, if you’re not inclined to exercise, it can be hard to adopt the habit. My favorite activity is reading in bed, and I don’t enjoy games of any sort, but over the years I’ve managed to transform myself into a regular exerciser by deploying these strategies:

1. Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week.

2. If at all possible, exercise first thing in the morning. The longer the day goes on, the more likely you are to get derailed.

3. Never skip exercising for three days in a row. You can skip a day, and you can skip two days, but on the third day, you must exercise no matter how inconvenient. (This rule is more effective than it sounds; it kept me exercising regularly during college.)

4. Give yourself credit for the smallest effort. When my father started running, he said that all he had to do was put on his running shoes and close the door behind him. I never push myself hard, because I know that if I did, I might stop exercising altogether. And don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. The fifteen-minute walk you DO take is better than the three-mile run you DON’T take.

5. If you don’t have time both to exercise and take a shower, find an activity that doesn’t require a shower afterward, like yoga or walking. I do an extremely tough weight-training regimen that doesn’t make me sweat (and yes, it is effective, even with no sweat!).

6. Look for affordable ways to make exercising more pleasant or satisfying. Could you upgrade to a nicer gym? Buy yourself a new iPod? Work with a trainer? Get a pedometer? (they’re only $20). A lot of people are feeling a real money crunch right now, but exercise is a high life priority, so if you can afford it, this is a place to spend some money if that helps.

7. Remind yourself of the benefits from exercising. Personally, I’m more motivated by short-term gratifications like “I’ll feel more focused” or “I’ll sleep better” than long-term considerations like “I’ll live longer” or “If I have surgery, I’ll recover quicker.” A trainer told me that, in her experience, men are more motivated by the idea of improving their performance (a better tennis game) or restoring an ability (climbing stairs without getting out of breath); women are more motivated by the promise of improving their appearance.

8. Think about context. If you find it much harder to go running in winter than summer, maybe the real trouble is that you don’t like the cold. Do you hate the loud music in your gym? Is your work-out so exhausting that you can’t face the rest of your day?

9. When choosing an activity, a gym, or an exercise class, make convenience a top priority. You’re much more likely to go to a mediocre gym near your office or home than to a great gym that’s out of your way.

Apart from the happiness gain you’ll get from the exercise, merely the fact that you’ve kept your resolution to yourself will boost your happiness.

Gretchen Rubin

First published @ The Happiness Project

Courtesy of Helen Hartley www.astrologymatters.com

Aries

Although, the year starts slowly I am really glad you are thinking and planning what you would like to achieve during 2009. Just hold off a little longer before you start to action that plan. Gee that’s not easy for you because currently you have tremendous drive and a positive attitude and are raring to go? Your ideas will be original and you probably won’t want to much routine however you will most certainly be able to muster the self discipline required to action your plans over the coming months.

With the eclipse on January 20 in your house of friendships, hopes and dreams it strikes me that during 2009 you’ll see some significant change in those areas. Don’t be surprised if some friendships end and new ones enter your life. You may find yourself also becoming involved in groups and associations that have a natural mystic, idealistic humanistic goals and desires.

Taurus

Such mixed blessings this month! On one hand, you want to have a sense of excitement yet that seems to be at odds with the need to accept responsibility and work. You may be feeling somewhat blocked in terms of expressing your creativity and you may find yourself becoming a little more withdrawn and in fact, resisting to communicate at all.

This suggests that on a superficial level, you’ll be out there being very busy and engaging in good social interaction, which pleasure loving Venus tends to want to do yet there will be an undertone of additional responsibilities or burden possibly coming from your children or family.  In other words, something may happen where you dig in your Taurean heels, come to a complete standstill, and refuse to budge. Let’s face it, you are known for being stubborn; it’s one of your core characteristics! If you begin to feel this way try to reflect on why

Gemini

Alas, Mercury, which symbolises communication and is your ruler, is doing the first of three backward treks in the sky for 2009. It is currently in the sign of Aquarius which suggests you spend time in reflection, on philanthropy or volunteering. You may also take time out to do some research, particularly on the Internet, or just sit around and watch DVD’s! More seriously, it is in your house of higher learning and distant travel, other cultures, in-laws and religions. So I guess you could take your pick in which area you’re likely to do the misunderstanding or be misunderstood! For those of you entering higher education, expect a few bumps during the enrolment process.

Fortunately this period ends on the 31st January 2009 so just sit tight and chill.
With Chinese New Year occurring on January 26 you could make a last ditch effort to determine your priorities for the upcoming year and take the opportunity to mend any relationships that may not be going quite so well.

Cancer

With the Moon, your ruler, in your solar fifth house you will be strongly inclined to express your love for others and be more inclined to be romantic and at least this month seek out pleasure! If you have children this can be a strong bonding time or alternatively spend time discovering what your inner child wants and needs in order to flourish.

It will find you quite charming this month and your creativity will surface.  Although I expect your emotions to be somewhat more intense, you may find yourself feeling easily hurt and become jealous. I encourage you to let that feeling go because Venus (Love or money), creates a lovely contact with Moon suggesting that all interactions will have a depth of quality to them. The way to really enjoy them if you are in the relationship, is to rekindle the romance. If you’re not in relationship this may be the perfect time to try and connect with someone in a much more intimate way.

Leo

You are starting the year off with a great sense of renewal, excitement and purpose. It certainly seems as if the cosmos shines upon those things that you would like to achieve. Right now, though, you may be feeling the need to make changes and experience some level of frustration. Be mindful that Mercury (communication) is making one of its first backward treks for 2009 and taking action may be best left incubating, until February.

It is likely you may have overlooked other important considerations, details or alternatively not been supplied with all the information you need in order to make an informed decision. With the New Moon in Aquarius your more humanitarian side will manifest during the month. Once Mercury changes direction it will be a great time for relating, sharing your ideas and connecting with others. This New Moon is also an eclipse where the consequences of decisions made at this time will manifest in August/September 2009.

Virgo

Some of you are feeling somewhat battle weary and feel the need for some rest and recuperation. I would agree with this strategy and indeed some quiet reflection, sensual massage, or peaceful meditation may be just what the doctor ordered.  Mercury, which rules communication and is your ruler, will be going backwards until the end of January which can make your already high level of anxiety even higher.

Really productive use of this timeframe is important. The most positive manifestation of this energy is for you to take time out and mull, yes, I said mull. That means holding thoughts and actions about situations in a holding pattern, rather than trying to forge ahead. If you attempt to bring matters to a conclusion, you will most certainly discover that the timing is not quite right. Whatever you’re working on just needs a little bit more time for discovery, so allow your creativity to incubate if possible!

Libra

Although not the most romantic position for Venus right now, you need to deal with the real world. In particular this transit is very good for those people that you work with or advancing yourself and your career. Whatever you do will be seen in a good light. You have a good understanding of how relationships work and because you’re willing to work with others and resolve difficulties you will be acknowledged as the good relationship builder you really are.

For those born toward the end of the sign, Neptune (illusion) weaves its magic adding to your creative burst or your hunger for romance and all things magical! One of the best ways to satisfy this need is of course the theatre or music or taking yourself off to an Art Gallery. Be mindful that there could be some sudden changes in your social engagements

Scorpio

You may find yourself being much busier at work and having to work longer hours, or perhaps even on the weekends. And this may be in conflict with family functions or social activities that are important to you. At a deeper level some may be experiencing the struggle between what you would like ideally and what tradition dictates. This can be tough stuff yet if you work it through you’ll find an opportunity for a whole different way of being. Of any of the signs, you certainly have the capacity to make whatever changes you desire.

The secret of course is you really need to want change. This is a time of new creative direction, and many Scorpios over the next few years will be provided with opportunities to really do things differently and express themselves in more unique ways. Despite the fact that you usually do not like change, if you adjust your thinking accordingly, you have some exciting times ahead.

Sagittarius

You’re bright and happy disposition acts as a magnet and you’ll attract many people. One small word of caution I would offer you, is that taken to an extreme you can become lazy, extravagant and self opinionated. Keep this in check and rewards will come your way. Physical activity is a great leveller and tends to keep you in balance. You might like to try it!

Be prepared for the unexpected as someone may contact you from your past or there may be some sudden changes in the home. Those born in the middle of the sign have some dynamic tensions operating and some of you may have the desire to break free from current circumstances and do something quite different. Many of you may decide to travel and commence the planning process. If you have never travelled, I would really encourage you to try, and if you have you know what I’m talking about!

Capricorn

The New Moon in your second house brings the opportunity for contemplation, particularly around your personal values and what you think about yourself. If you find yourself going down this path, I’d really like you to write a list about all the really good things that you do and resist the need to be overly critical. The other areas to explore are your wants and needs: are they being met from people who are close to you, if not, the Mercury retrograde period which finishes at the end of January will be a really good time to evaluate what you do want and how you propose to get it.

February will be a time to communicate those thoughts to the people around you. This New Moon is also an eclipse which has the effect of magnifying any circumstance and brings about a feeling of crisis. Although you’re not generally comfortable in the ‘feeling‘zone you may be forced to acknowledge unresolved emotions. You will be the better for it.

Aquarius

There are just so many dynamics for Aquarians this month I’m not sure just where to start! It kinda reads like a good opera, intrigue, drama, love and romance and the certainty that this month will be anything but quiet. Normally, you walk to the beat of your own drum, and I see that nothing will change that. However there are those of you that may be feeling tired and somewhat worn out. Not surprising if you’ve been so busy!

The question to ask yourself is why do you keep yourself so busy? Are you really having fun? Or are you avoiding thinking about other things? It really wouldn’t hurt for you to slow down just a little bit and take some time out to recharge your batteries. The challenge of course is to balance your uniqueness within the rules of society. Now that can be really hard work, particularly when you have such a generous humanitarian streak to your nature.

Pisces

You should feel the effects of the New Moon, making lovely contact with Venus (Love or money), and later Uranus (unexpected change). During the month, your natural psychic sensitivity will probably be somewhat increased. Many, many Pisces have an incredibly powerful psychic ability and if you’re not aware of it, I would urge you to create some quiet space and begin to learn how to focus on your thoughts and feelings, because you have a natural insight which can be developed.

For others, I would recommend that you follow your hunches, because very often they lead you in the right direction and I’m sure you have experienced disappointing consequences when you ignore them. On a more mundane level, during this month, many of you may want to change your appearance. I’d say go for it as doing something nice for yourself is a really important part of feeling great and building confidence because of all the signs Pisces is the most likely sign to ignore their own needs in order to take care of everybody else.

Helen Hartley is a public speaker, educator, writer, radio presenter and has been a business, corporate and personal astrologer since 1980.  Understanding how you are ‘hard wired’ at birth and the prevailing universal influences is vital to personal and professional success. Precise timing is crucial when navigating life decisions, developmental directions or business initiatives.

Web www.astrologymatters.com
Email helen@astrologymatters.com