What not to do as a parent
By Jodie Benveniste, Director of Parent Wellbeing.
Recently, I went to hear Michael Grose of Parenting Ideas talk about raising confident kids. 
And interestingly, the message I took away, was not so much about what we needed to do as parents but what we needed to NOT do.
One important way to help your kids increase their confidence is to help them build their capabilities. That is, to help them learn how to do things for themselves.
So Michael’s challenges to us was ‘What can you stop doing for your child.’
And when I thought about it there were many, many things that I do for my kids that they could be doing for themselves. Here’s just a few:
Make their beds
Pack their drink bottle and lunch box into their bags
Put away their clean clothes
Find their library books
I think there are several reasons why we do stuff for our kids.
Oh how they grow
1. We began making their beds and putting away their clean clothes when they were babies - when clearly they couldn’t do it for themselves. But somewhere along the line our kids grew up but we didn’t hand over the responsibility.
Easy peasy
2. Sometimes it is just plain easier to pick up their toys, pack their lunches and straigthen their beds. It takes less time and energy then yelling at your kids and/or painstakingly reinforcing good behaviour with star charts or chocolate biscuit bribes. But of course, this is a short term strategy, which ultimately leads to more work for us.
Great expectations
3. We have lower expectations of our children’s capabilities than are necessary. Who would have known that a 3 year old can empty the dishwasher? But they can. With the right encouragement and support. And even though you may loose a few glasses in the process, it is worth reinforcing their contribution to family life.
Pick up after yourself!
4. We get into the habit of picking up after our partner and it just follows that we pick up after children. This is particularly a problem if your standards and your partner’s standards differ. And since kids can live in a pigsty, it follows that the person with the lowest tolerance for mess will clean up first.
Obviously, there are many things young kids can’t yet do:
Cook dinner
Change the oil in the car
Earn a living
But it’s only a matter of time, and interest. And your encouragment. Confident kids can do stuff. So what can you stop doing for your kids today?
Michael’s workshops are sold out in Melbourne and Sydney, but you can still get tickets for Perth. Click here for more info.
By Jodie Benveniste, Director of Parent Wellbeing.
