Can money make you happy?

The obvious answer might seem yes. But money is a complex topic.

Over many decades, the field of psychology has been studying the links between money and wellbeing.

And one of the major findings is:

You need a certain amount of money for subsistence, which is important for wellbeing. But over and above subsistence, a lot more money does not correspond to a lot more happiness.

Now, we’re learning more about how spending your money can impact on your wellbeing.

If you had a spare $100, would you be better off spending it on dinner with friends or a new dress?

New research from Carter and Gilovich from Cornell University suggests the dinner with friends might win out.

That’s because buying ‘experiences’ rather than ‘things’ tends to make people happier.

Here’s why:

Decisions about material possessions seem to be more difficult to make than decisions about experiences.

When buying a new flat screen TV, we compare models, sizes and prices. When there’s so much choice, even if we’re happy with the deal, we may have lingering doubts about whether we got the best deal - which can take away some of the enjoyment of our brand new TV.

Whereas when we choosing experiences, we tend to decide on the kind of place we’d like to go and then choose the first option that fits.

When deciding where to go for dinner, we might want to eat Thai food in the city. Instead of researching every single Thai restaurant in the city, and comparing menus and pricing, we choose the first or second Thai restaurant we think of, and are generally satisfied with that.

It’s the act of comparison that can undermine wellbeing.

In general, it is easier to compare our purchase of a brand new TV - and feel like we didn’t make the best choice - than it is to compare our choice of restaurant or the experience we had at that restaurant with our friends.

And because material possessions tend to deteriorate in value over time - the new massive flat screen TV is not so massive the longer you have it - compared to the brand new even more massive TVs on the market now.

Whereas, our experiences of a lovely dinner with friends can become even more positive in our minds over time.

So how should you spend that spare $100? It can depend on how you view your purchases.

Do you agonise over whether you could have got a better dress for a better price? [The tyranny of choice]

Do you compare your dress to your friend’s dress and feel unsatisfied? [Unfavourable comparisions]

Or is the dress your ticket to go out and have fun with your friends? [An enjoyable experience]

And what about how we spend money on our kids?

Buying experiences together might be better for everyone than buying them the latest, greatest brand new must-have toy - which very soon will be superseded by some other latest, greatest brand new must-have toy.

And if your kids must have a must-have toy, then turn it into an experience and play it with them.

Article courtesy of Dave Woolbank of dadsclub.com.au

It is one thing to set a goal and achieve it, but how do we confidently know whether that goal is the right one?

Most of us will make a New Year resolution, yet only 12% will ever realise it. Research shows that we make more resolutions to start a new habit, than to break one.

Typical resolutions include:

Increase exercise
Be more conscientious about work or school
Develop better eating habits
Stop smoking, drinking, or using drugs (including caffeine)

Philosopher, Caroline West, of the University of Western Sydney reveals that in our quest for greater fitness, we spend more time shopping for leisure goods than engaging in leisure itself and spend more time watching sport on TV, rather than playing it ourselves.

Empirical research on leisure pursuits that deliver a healthy dose of satisfaction suggest we should refrain from typical New Year resolutions and progress some or all of the following:

Socialising
Community work
Visiting new places
Meditation or worship
Cultural activities
Being engrossed in a stimulating book or hobby
Getting a good nights sleep
Physical exercise

Because of society’s increasing expectations for dads to be actively involved parents, most of us yearn for more of what we find increasingly harder to get, TIME. This becomes a distant reality when we have kids craving our undivided attention.

So why not set a few goals for 2010 that bring you and the kid’s sustained satisfaction:

Identify a project and build it: e.g. Veggie / herb garden, a billy-cart, fishpond.
Explore. Take advantage of our multi-cultural communities, jump on some public transport and discover new food and cultures. Make it a regular event.
Share a book, either read it to the young ones or form a monthly book club.
Community work. Together you can decide who, why, where and when.
Get into a new sport. Either as spectators (e.g. Winter Olympics) or as participants, consider martial arts, yoga, tennis, jogging and walking etc…
Do a short course: art, craft, pottery, gardening, sailing, wood work etc…
Be king of the kids: Do an inspiring activity each weekend

Once you have identified your aspired outcome, it is important to create a plan that ensures you see it through. Professor Richard Wiseman, Hertfordshire University, offers the following tips for success:

Men should set specific goals
Women should tell others about their resolution
We should all avoid leaving the decision to New Year’s Eve
Deciding to revisit a past resolution sets you up for frustration and disappointment
Choose something new, or approach an old problem in a new way
Those who make vague plans were more likely to fail - for example instead of planning to go running twice a week you should plan to go running at specific times every week
Men may be more likely to adopt a macho attitude and have unrealistic expectations, and so simple goal setting helps them achieve more

Like business goals, our personal goals, should be specific, realistic, achievable, timely and measurable.

Our plans too often focus us primarily on a life of work, usually with transparent and tangible milestones. Dads would do well to develop a plan that pursues lasting joy and satisfaction with their kids.

What will you achieve with your kids by December 2010?

Article courtesy of dadsclub.com.au

A very important study was published in the latest issue of the Journal of Family Issues.

Constance Gager and Scott Yabiku, concerned about the state of American marriages posed the question: Are working parents, given the time pressures of modern life, getting enough sex?

How often you have sex is supposedly a barometer of the quality of your marriage.

Researchers don’t know how much sex is enough but people who have more sex (than those who have less sex) report feeling happier about their marriages.

And for the record, in this study, couples had sex an average of 1.6 times per week(!)

Now Gager and Yabiku weren’t just interested in sexual frequency.

They also wanted to know how sexual frequency linked to the highly vexed question of housework because who puts the bin out (otherwise known as division of housework) and how often you get it on (otherwise known as sexual frequency) are the most common sources of disagreements in marriage.

This is what we know about housework

1. Men are doing more housework than ever before. But that was off a very low base. Cooking a BBQ doesn’t count.

2. Women are doing less housework than they used to. But that’s because the majority are out doing paid work.

3. Women still do twice as much housework as men. Yes twice as much. And as a consequence have less leisure time. Don’t we know it.

Now for the results

(As an aside, the study only looked at how much sex you have - not how long it lasted or how good it was. Obviously, not so important).

Here are three results we could have predicted:

1. The older you get the less sex you have.

2. The longer your relationship the less sex you have.

3. The younger your children the less sex you have.

But now for the fascinating findings:

1. The more housework you do the more sex!

2. The more time in the paid workforce the more sex!

So what can we conclude from this revolutionary study?

For men

Grab that apron and do 1, hell, why not all, of the following household tasks covered in the study: (a) prepare a meal, (b) wash the dishes, (c) clean the house, (d) shop, (e) wash and iron, (f) pay the bills, (g) drive other household members to work, school, or other activities, (h) perform outdoor tasks, and (i) do auto maintenance. Then you just might get lucky tonight!

For women

Get out into the paid workforce now! It might just save your marriage or at least make life a bit more fun.

Naming your baby is one of the great privileges of being a parent.  But it is also a huge responsibility.

Baby name trends come and go but your baby has to live with their name across a lifetime.

Your name defines you.

So how do you choose?

Some parents honour family history, some parents look to celebrities or baby name lists, and others just go with their gut.

To help you choose your baby’s name, here are the top Australian baby names for 2009.

Top baby names - Girls

Amelia
Ava
Charlotte
Chloe
Ella
Emily
Isabella
Lily
Mia
Olivia
Ruby
Sienna
Sophie

Top boy names - Boys

Benjamin
Cooper
Ethan
Jack
James
Joshua
Lachlan
Lucas
Noah
Oliver
Riley
Thomas
William

The beginning of a new year is a natural time to reflect on the year that has passed and to plan for the new year ahead.

As parents, our plans, hopes and aspirations don’t just affect us - they also affect our children.

So now is a good time to think about how good a life you and your family lived in 2009, and to consider what you would you like to change about 2010.

Margarita Tarragona from the Universidad Iberoamericana in Mexico City recently posted on Psychology Today’s Spanish language blog about a new year ritual she performs with friends and family. And here is the English language translation.

You may choose to perform this new year ritual alone or with others. And you may also like to involve your children.  Your children may like to perform their own new year ritual.

New year ritual for parents

Write your answers to the following questions, and then put them away in an envelope.  At the end of 2010, open your envelope and reflect on your responses.  What goals did you achieve?  Which ones are no longer relevant?  What surprises did the new year bring?

1. What was one of the moments you enjoyed the most in 2009 ?

2. What are you most grateful for in 2009?

3. What was one of your most important accomplishments this year?

4. What is something new you learned in 2009?

5. What are you glad to leave behind with the year that ends?

6. What is one of your most important projects for 2010?

7. What would you like to do for others in 2010?