Okay, there’s long been talk that women, in particular, can’t ‘have it all’. 

The argument goes that we were duped by feminism when we were told we could be amazing mothers, career zealots and domestic goddesses, whilst still getting enough beauty sleep.

The modern day mantra now goes that we can’t ‘have it all’.  There are only so many hours in the day, and fuel in the tank so something has to give.

I don’t entirely disagree with ‘there are only so many hours in the day’ argument. But I want to challenge semantics.

I do believe you can ‘have it all’.  I just don’t think you can ‘do it all.’

People say to me, How do you find time to run a business, raise two kids, and write books?

It is simple.  There are many other things I don’t do including:

I don’t keep a pristinely clean and tidy house
One of the major domestic duties that goes astray in our house is putting away clean clothes.  The clothes go from the dirty clothes basket into the washing machine, onto the line, and then into the spare room where they get dumped into piles.  Looking for something to wear?  It’s probably in the spare room.

But my domestic life is relatively ordered.  There are decent meals, set bed times, and lots of love.

I don’t have as many hours as I would sometimes like to work on my business
My husband and I are both business owners with a fair degree of flexibility.  And we negotiate pick ups and drop offs depending on who is interstate, who has meetings and who has important functions.  I often fit my work around my kids - and work nights and weekends to make up time.  But sometimes I wish I could work more.

Instead, I’ve had to learn to work a bit smarter.  I’ve learnt to be more efficient, better focused, and to celebrate my achievements.

I don’t get time to read for pleasure
One of my greatest indulgences has been to curl up and get completely engrossed in a good book. Unfortunately, with lots to do and interrupting kids, I rarely get the opportunity to indulge.

But on holidays, I always head off to the bookshop and the library, get a stack of books and work my way through as many as possible.

As a working mum, I don’t believe I can do it all.

But I do believe I can have it all - because, to me, having it all means living a good life.

This is what I have:

I have a wonderful family
My kids amaze me every day.  Watching them grow into little people is an incredible privilege. And I also have a wonderful husband.  He is a true partner.

I have a wonderful job
I absolutely love my work.  Writing books, developing and delivering workshops, and helping people enjoy work and life is my passion.

I have a wonderful life
My life is rich and fulfilling, and although it is difficult and demanding at times, I still feel incredibly blessed.

I can’t do everything I would like to do.  But I can have a good life.  And to me, that is much more important.

There is a raging debate going on over at the MamaMia blog - Mia Freedman’s creative endeavour.  (Mia is ex Cosmo Editor and author of the book MamaMia: A memoir of mistakes, magazines and motherhood)

Alexandra Shulman, editor of Vogue UK, wrote a piece in the UK Daily Mail about whether mums who demand part-time work, flexible working hours, job share etc etc- are just being too demanding.

Amongst her many comments are:

“Nowadays, the majority of pregnant women I know take close to a year off, during which they are entitled to statutory maternity pay for up to 39 weeks. They return with the expectation and right to have their old job back after 52 weeks. Except that, when they do return, many of them don’t want exactly their old job back. They want the same role but moulded into a time frame that suits family life better. They want to investigate four-day weeks, flexitime, jobshares, and they often then have another baby and are entitled to take another year off. But is this realistic?”

“I have never worked a shorter week, partially because I want the full salary to pay for the private education of my son, the help and the house we live in. But it is also because I don’t, at root, think it would be the correct way to do this job.”

“Women have increasingly broken through that old glass ceiling with determination and, to be honest, helpful employment legislation. As a result, many are now employers themselves. Let’s not put that progress back by creating a world where the next generation of women workers becomes too inconvenient and awkward to employ and find themselves legislated back into the home.”

What’s particularly interesting is that this article has fuelled a vibrant debate over on the MamaMia site about Stay at Home Mums versus so-called Working Mums (even though we are all working).

But to my mind, that’s not really the issue.

Firstly, re. mums

Happy mum, happy kids is not just a nice saying. It is backed up by hard evidence. The research clearly shows that whether a mum works or not does not significantly impact on kids’ outcomes. What matters most is whether you LOVE your child. That’s what’s important.

So let’s end this debate about whether mums should or shouldn’t be home with their children. The answer is: It depends! We must allow people to make choices that are best for themselves and their children - without finger pointing, ridicule or disdain.

What is more relevant to Shulman’s article is workplace culture and management practice.

What Shulman’s article really highlights is that yes, it can be difficult to manage people who don’t work full time. The world of work and management practice has been built on judging people’s work ethic based on their time spent at work. Much more difficult is managing people’s work ethic based on the quality and quantity of the work they produce.

Shulman has identified the problem - but she’s come to the wrong conclusion. Just because it is difficult, and it takes a mindshift does not mean women should not work at all, or that they should only work on traditional terms. The best workplaces are changing so they can attract the best. And in many instances the best are women with kids. Employees do need to have realistic expecations.  But organisations need to change, and managers need to get better at managing.

Every week I receive phone calls and emails from parents looking for work they can do from home. Finding great jobs where you can work from home is rare. Your best bet is to negotiate with your current employer because they know you and your capabilities. If you have been out of the workforce for a while, you have to work harder to get it.

My key tips are:

1. Know what you are good at. Specialise in something.
2. Sell yourself. Place an advertisement in your local paper of drop flyers around your neighbourhood. All it takes is a few clients and if you are good enough, you will get referrals.
3. Tell everyone what you want to do - your family, friends, old work colleagues, and previous employers. Great leads often come from close to you.
4. Don’t ever think that working from home is a substitute for child care.

Visit http://www.careermums.com.au and download our article on Working From Home for more information (in the Recommended Reading section). It will also help you to understand if you are the right type of person to work from home.

Kate Sykes
Founder and Director
www.careermums.com.au