Article courtesy of Dave Woolbank of dadsclub.com.au

It is one thing to set a goal and achieve it, but how do we confidently know whether that goal is the right one?

Most of us will make a New Year resolution, yet only 12% will ever realise it. Research shows that we make more resolutions to start a new habit, than to break one.

Typical resolutions include:

Increase exercise
Be more conscientious about work or school
Develop better eating habits
Stop smoking, drinking, or using drugs (including caffeine)

Philosopher, Caroline West, of the University of Western Sydney reveals that in our quest for greater fitness, we spend more time shopping for leisure goods than engaging in leisure itself and spend more time watching sport on TV, rather than playing it ourselves.

Empirical research on leisure pursuits that deliver a healthy dose of satisfaction suggest we should refrain from typical New Year resolutions and progress some or all of the following:

Socialising
Community work
Visiting new places
Meditation or worship
Cultural activities
Being engrossed in a stimulating book or hobby
Getting a good nights sleep
Physical exercise

Because of society’s increasing expectations for dads to be actively involved parents, most of us yearn for more of what we find increasingly harder to get, TIME. This becomes a distant reality when we have kids craving our undivided attention.

So why not set a few goals for 2010 that bring you and the kid’s sustained satisfaction:

Identify a project and build it: e.g. Veggie / herb garden, a billy-cart, fishpond.
Explore. Take advantage of our multi-cultural communities, jump on some public transport and discover new food and cultures. Make it a regular event.
Share a book, either read it to the young ones or form a monthly book club.
Community work. Together you can decide who, why, where and when.
Get into a new sport. Either as spectators (e.g. Winter Olympics) or as participants, consider martial arts, yoga, tennis, jogging and walking etc…
Do a short course: art, craft, pottery, gardening, sailing, wood work etc…
Be king of the kids: Do an inspiring activity each weekend

Once you have identified your aspired outcome, it is important to create a plan that ensures you see it through. Professor Richard Wiseman, Hertfordshire University, offers the following tips for success:

Men should set specific goals
Women should tell others about their resolution
We should all avoid leaving the decision to New Year’s Eve
Deciding to revisit a past resolution sets you up for frustration and disappointment
Choose something new, or approach an old problem in a new way
Those who make vague plans were more likely to fail - for example instead of planning to go running twice a week you should plan to go running at specific times every week
Men may be more likely to adopt a macho attitude and have unrealistic expectations, and so simple goal setting helps them achieve more

Like business goals, our personal goals, should be specific, realistic, achievable, timely and measurable.

Our plans too often focus us primarily on a life of work, usually with transparent and tangible milestones. Dads would do well to develop a plan that pursues lasting joy and satisfaction with their kids.

What will you achieve with your kids by December 2010?

Article courtesy of dadsclub.com.au

Courtesy of Dave Woolbank of www.dadsclub.com.au

You’ll be king of the kids this summer school holidays when you stick to these creative, inspiring, low cost and often FREE activities that all add up to hassle free and BIG FUN.

Use any of these and Dad will again be seen as the expert their kids expect them to be.

1. Liven up your local park with mini-games / triathlons / kids Olympics

This is perfect with a group of kids and other parents. You can allocate teams or go solo; often it is good to mix this up.

Remember this is about having a go, introduce PBs (personal best / timed results) in favour of out right winners. Choose any of these and add some more: run, bike, swim, jump (long and high), throw a ball and / or climb a tree.

Create obstacle courses that include some of the above. Add in swings, slippery dips, chairs and some good distances.

Take some drinks and a bag of fruit.

Introduce a trophy - this is something you can make with the kids before or after and can be as simple as a cup, ornament etc..glued to a piece of wood.

A good follow-up is to take some photos and send them to the team afterwards.

Get the kids input on what they reckon they can do to make it more challenging and interesting.

Throw in a rope and finish it off with a tug-of-war. Perfect when it’s adults versus kids. Hopefully we’ll get some rain this summer and you’ll have a puddle or two to compete over!

2. Treasure Hunt

This will take at least 15 minutes to plan and will require you visiting the local park before hand.

You’ll need pen and paper to make a list of questions that the kids will need to scout around for to find the answers.  Find unusual, interesting and even educational hiding spots.

Remember your aim is to keep them busy (not you), so have them cover large distances and keep it challenging.

By adding in more diverse questions you can make this activity as long as you want. You could punctuate it with them finding their lunch.

Divide the kids into teams and handout a questionnaire to each team (you could do this individually). Your small questionnaire could look something like this:

How many rungs are on the ladder to the slippery dip?
How long is the monkey bar?
How many chain links are in the southern most swing?
What type of oval is the one near…?
Bring back a leaf. What is the name of the tree it came from?
Climb the tree nearest the _______ what did you find in it (have a small bucket of lollies as a mid-way treat)?
Find a sign and get the kids to write down names, phone nembers etc.. signs can be on posts, bridges seats, trucks, equipment etc…
When you look due north (south, east, west) what can you see?
What’s the full name of this park, oval?
Who opened this park?
Name three native flora within the park?
Name the species of birds…?
What local Aboriginal land are we now on?
Be resourceful and creative. Make a raft / house / aeroplane out of natural objects (twigs, leaves etc..) you could add cans, paper etc..?
Draw an aerial map of this oval and name a,b,c and d?

3. In the kitchen

Find a recipe and treat Mum and the family to a three course meal.

Go for an international cuisine e.g. Chinese, Thai, Italian etc..and theme it with fortune cookies and lantern; tropical looking flowers; red and white table cloth etc…

Stimulate this activity further by adding trivia questions during the meal.

For example:

The local currency in ___________ is _________?
Their national cuisine is?
The President / PM is?
The population is?
Who founded this country?
Any historical facts: e.g. the Chinese invented paper?
Major tourist destinations?
Name the national airline carrier?
Essential ingredients in this national dish are…?

4. Head to the markets

Turn a weekly shopping chore into an adventure and take the kids to the food markets instead of the supermarkets. Spice it up with some haggling, be adventurous and buy something completely different.

5. Paper Plane competition

Visit our animated paper plane guide and choose from ten different paper planes to make.  Then put your skills to the test and have a fly -off.  Whose plane goes the highest, whose gets the most distance?

6. Round up the local Canines and have a derby

Organise a local dog derby in the park.  Map out a dog track and have a race.  Check out your local dog track, you may be surprised what they’ll let you do.  Failing any successes here, take your pooch for a walk.

7. Start a holiday sports competition

Round up your mates and their parents, pad up and start a local test match in your ‘hood (see rules)

8. Plan a project and build it

Research a DIY project and plan, build and celebrate it these holidays.

Build a billy cart, fish pond, tree house, raft, herb garden, shed, doll house, worm farm or swing set. For more DIY ideas and tips.

9. Discover a new suburb

Take advantage of our multi-cultural communities, jump on some public transport and discover new food and cultures.

10. Get back to basics with board games

Lets face it we’re going to get a few scorchers and hopefully some rain these holidays, so keep these handy.
Play a favourite or learn a new game. These are bound to take you back and are another great way of teaching your kids new things.  Try Chess, Backgammon, Cards, Chinese Checkers, Monopoly, Twister, Kludo, or Mouse Trap.

11. Digital Photography

Grab a camera and explore your neighbourhood. Get creative with close up shots and props. Let the kids’ imagination go wild, pick out the best shots and blow them up. Then you can frame or mount on a canvas. Makes a great gift!

12. Discover a new bike ride

Explore your community by bike. Saddle up straight from home or drive / commute to a new destination and discover.

13. Paint a masterpiece

Buy some low cost canvases from Go-Lo and let the kids be creative. All going well you’ll have a masterpiece to hang. Makes a great gift.

14. Try a new sport

Watch or try out something new.  Find a kids sports club or sport stores here.

15. Plant a herb garden

We’re all going green and summer is a great time to get creative in the garden. You can use pots or dig up your garden. Potted herbs make a great gift.

16. Dinner in the park

Get the kids to design a menu and treat Mum to a picnic dinner in the park.  You may be inspired by what you’ve learn from some of the other activities in this list

Discover a new suburb.
Discover a new bike ride.
Head to the markets.

17. Camp in the backyard

Turn a sleep over into something more fun. Set up tent, blow up the mattress (or drag your kids’ mattress outside) and spoil the kids with marshmallows (toasted if you can).  Tips on camping

18. Home made lemonade

Make an easy cooling, refreshing drink with lemon or limes. Home made lemonade is perfect for those long hot summer days and evenings.  Once you’ve mastered the flavour, set up a stall.

Ingredients

Juice of 4 lemons
1Litre (4 cups) water
125g (1/2 cup) caster sugar

In a 2 litre jug, combine the lemon juice, water and sugar. Stir until sugar is dissolved. Chill in fridge.

19. Go bowling

Bare foot bowls is great for those warm evenings. Contact your local bowling club.  Air conditioned ten pin bowling makes a great escape on those hot days.

20. Find a destination and get out

Many of these can be free, or certainly low cost. So what are you waiting for, pack a picnic and go visit:

Some friends or family
School holiday activities: search by event type and state
Cultural event
Museum / Art Gallery / Photographic Exhibition
Free city events
Building sites make great viewing entertainment for infants
Factory or organisational tours are often FREE e.g. Parliament House, Stock Exchange & National Parks
Display gardens

Enjoy!

Courtesy of Dave Woolbank of www.dadsclub.com.au

Half Full - Science for Raising Happy Kids wrote recently about the vexed question of whether you should stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of your kids.

As a society, we tend to believe that parents are better off if parents stay together.  That is certainly what previous generations did.

But research clearly shows that:

“It is the quality of parents’ relationships with each other, rather than whether they are married or single, that matters most for kids’ well-being.”

This highlights how a parent’s emotional wellbeing affects their kid’s wellbeing.

We all experience challenging emotions.  What’s important is how we deal with them - and how our children see that we deal with them.

Parents in conflict who have difficulty controlling their aggression or anger are most likely to be doing a disservice to their children.

Phil and Carolyn Cowan from UC Berkeley found that unresolved conflict and unhappiness in a parent’s relationship can lead to children with more aggressive behavior, more shy and withdrawn behavior, and worse social and academic skills.

Separating may therefore be the best option.

But continuing to show aggression and anger to your partner even once separated - won’t help your children either.

Parents who can find a way to respect their children’s other parent - even if they no longer love or respect the person - are doing the best by their kids.

Because whether you separate or not - unless you completely cut yourself off from your kids - you will need to communicate with your ex-partner.  And you want the relationship to be as civil and adult as possible.

I’m always saddened when people who have invested a lot of energy and emotion into a relationship separate without first trying to get some form of outside help.

Counselling may lead you back together - and in a happier place.

Or it may lead you apart - but with a resolve to work together for the good of the kids.

Either option seems better than living in an unhappy and acrimonious relationship.   Better both for you and your children.

Michael Gartner, a Pulitzer Prize winning writer, wrote this beautiful column for USA Today about the secret to a long and rich life.

It’s about simple rituals, deep love, and yes left hand turns. Although if you live in Australia or the UK, substitute for right hand turns.

Here’s the beginning:

My father never drove a car.

Well, that’s not quite right.

I should say I never saw him drive a car. He quit driving in 1927, when he was 25 years old, and the last car he drove was a 1926 Whippet.

“In those days,” he told me when he was in his 90s, “to drive a car you had to do things with your hands, and do things with your feet, and look every which way, and I decided you could walk through life and enjoy it or drive through life and miss it.”

At which point my mother, a sometimes salty Irishwoman, chimed in:

“Oh, bull–!” she said. “He hit a horse.”

“Well,” my father said, “there was that, too.”

And you can read the rest here: A life without left turns by Michael Gartner.

Relationships Australia Victoria have launched a new free resource for men wanting to renovate their relationships called Renovate your relationship: A manual for men.

Full of building and project management analogies, this free book acknowledges that men, just like women:

Identify their partner as their best mate. (True for 80% of Australian Men as revealed in Men, mateship, marriage: Exploring macho myths and the way forward by Don Edgar (1997).

Want close and tender relationships with their partner.

Feel confused, hurt or betrayed when relationships do not work out.

Often do not express their emotions and sometimes their partners often fail to recognise the significant feelings that men experience.

Want closeness; to be supported, to be held.

Want a trusting, honest and loyal friend.

Want somebody to share things with; goals, hopes and values.

To achieve a better relationship, the booklet recommends 13 tools including:

Tool 2: Avoiding misunderstanding
Tool 3: Sharpening up your listening
Tool 4: Resolving conflict
Tool 8: Renovating your sex life
Tool 10: Valuing differences
Tool 13: Children - Planning for the extension

For each tool, there’s an explanation, ideas, examples and quotes from men - like this one about resolving conflict:

‘We were having the usual argument because I hadn’t cleaned up. She doesn’t realise how much I actually do. When I calmed down we were able to discuss it like two adults. I was able to admit that the point she was making was fair enough.’ Theo, 43

There are also info about where to get more help.  Because, yes, sometimes, you do need to call the plumber.

This is a good little resource.  And I hope men who need it, find it, and get building.

Renovate your relationship: A manual for men by Relationships Australia Victoria.

This weekend my husband took the kids on a dads and kids weekend, along with my brother and his kids.  It’s now an annual event in our family.  The dads get to hang out with their kids, and the mums get some time off.

When I told some other mums about what was happening on the weekend, they looked at me wide-eyed and said, ‘What are you going to do?’

Well, this is what I did this weekend:

Slept in
Read a book
Went to yoga
Watched a chick flick
Ate takeaway
Did a tarot reading
Watched the footy
Did some writing
Went for a walk
Went to a birth blessing
Cranked the car stereo up loud
Wrote a blog or two
Read the paper

In other words, I did exactly what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  And it was luxurious!

Next weekend, my husband is off hiking with the boys while I look after the kids. And I don’t mind at all.

Dad’s are so important. They teach boys how to be men, and they teach girls how choose men who respect them.

I recently went to see Steve Biddulph, author of Raising Boys, talk about raising boys.  And he made some excellent points:

Boys need positive role models.  Their dads, and other significant men in their lives, teach them how to be good men.

Boys need to be taught how to respect women.  Their dads can teach them how to hold their emotions so a woman feels safe.

Boys need to be taught to do housework.  Their dads can encourage them to be of service to others (e.g. by cooking others a meal) and connect to humanity.

But dads also play a big part in their daughters’ lives.  Dads teach girls to understand boys, and mums teach boys to understand girls.

The modern-day dad is no longer just a breadwinner.

Dads have a significant role to play in raising their kids, loving their kids, and helping them be honourable, giving, and wonderful human beings.  What a privilege.

I also love these 10 Commandements of Successful Fathering by Wayne Parker, About.com’s fatherhood expert.

1. Thou shalt talk with thy children.

2. Thou shalt spend one-on-one time with your children.

3. Thou shalt set rules and live by them.

4. Thou shalt not spoil thy children.

5. Thou shalt show love to thy children in their ‘love language’.

6. Thou shalt read with thy children.

7. Thou shalt love thy children’s mother with whom thou livest.

8. Thou shalt not speak ill of thy children’s mother.

9. Thou shalt know thy chidren’s friends.

10. Thou shalt protect thy children from danger.

Happy Father’s Day dads!  You deserve a celebration.

My dad passed away a week ago after a long battle with cancer.

I’m still understanding what it means to me and my life to lose a parent.

I only began truly appreciating my parents, and all they have done for me, when I became a parent myself almost 6 years ago.

As parents we often do what we do without much recognition.  And I certainly took my parents for granted.

But when I knew my dad had terminal cancer, I realised it was an opportunity to think about what my dad meant to me, and to recognise his impact on my life.

And it was also an opportunity to tell him - before it was too late.

A year ago I wrote my dad a gratitude letter.  I wrote about why I was grateful that he was my dad.  Then I gave him the letter.

It was the same letter that my brother read out at my dad’s eulogy.  But fortunately, this was a eulogy that my dad had already heard.

In the gratitude letter, I told him that:

He taught me the value of setting goals, and working hard to achieve them.

He instilled in me a strong sense of family and the importance of being there for each other.

He had been himself - and he taught me the importance of me being myself.

I also told him that I loved him very, very much.

My parents have always been around to help and support me.  Always.

Whenever I needed anything I could call or visit.

Now I can’t go and visit my dad anymore.

If I need him, I’ll have to reach him in my dreams or in my thoughts or in my heart.

It is a huge loss. But I am very grateful that he was my dad.  Very grateful indeed.