We are bombarded by parenting information.  Tips, advice and opinions about what we ’should’ or ’should not’ be doing as parents.

Some of the information is based on well researched, sound scientific principles.

For example, we know that children should not be fed a diet of chips, chocolate and red cordial. That’s not good for them (or for anyone, mind you).

But some of the information is based on whim, fancy or old folk’s tales.

For example, adding a little formula to a baby’s bottle will help them sleep through the night.  If only it were that easy.

But the problem is not so much that there is lots of information and advice readily available.  Information and advice can be incredible invaluable.

It’s that often the information and advice comes couched in ways that make you feel guilty or selfish or downright negligent if you don’t follow it.

The worst examples cover the highly charged issue of sleep.  Let them cry. Don’t let them cry.  Sleep with them.  Don’t sleep with them.

Well, I believe we need to inject a healthy dose of ‘could do’ parenting into the way we think and talk about caring for our kids.

Instead of feeling like we must, should, have to, do something or another.  We need to feel like we can perhaps, maybe, try it, if we like.

I’m not suggesting we use this methodology to justify feeding our children a steady diet of chips, chocolate and red cordial.

But for many decisions we make as parents a ‘could do’ rather than the ’should do’ approach could serve us well.

Here’s how to do it

When you read or are told something you ’should’ be doing with your child, think:

1. Is this issue relevant to myself and my child?  i.e. if you don’t mind that your child wakes for two feeds a night, then there is no problem, no matter what others may say.

2. How is the suggested approach different to what I’m currently doing? i.e. patting or shhing my baby back to sleep rather than feeding her back to sleep is a significant change.

3. What is required for me to use the new approach?  i.e. I’ll need back up if the patting or shhing takes longer than feeding my baby back to sleep.

4. Does the suggested approach fit with my values?  i.e. I believe in comforting my child not ignoring her.

5. Is the suggested approach based on evidence or opinion?

Then once you’ve asked yourself these questions, commit to one of two things:

1. Yes, I will give it a go.  I’d like to try it.

2. No thanks, it’s not for me.  I’ll keep doing what I’m doing.

Caring for children is not an exact science.  There is no one foolproof way.  There are many ways.

And when we embrace ‘could do’ parenting and not ’should do’ parenting, we find our own way.

Jodie Benveniste, director Parent Wellbeing

When my daughter was 2 years old I decided to write her regular letters. 

My goal was to write her a letter every 6 months in which I described what she’s been doing, what she’s been saying and how much I love her.

I bought a beautifully lined book, and began.  When my son was 18 months I started his book too.

I haven’t managed to write as frequently as I would like - letters tend to be a year apart.  But when I take the time to sit down and reflect on my children and how amazing they are, it is wonderfully indulgent.

I plan to keep writing these letters reguarly until they are 18 or 21 and then handing them over as a collection of my reflections on their life.

I don’t see the books as an accurate history, but more as a collection of my musings about them.

It is my way of holding time still, and preventing small moments from being forgotten.

It is a memento I am creating for them, but it also makes me feel good.

By taking the time out of my busy life to write the letters, I realise how amazing my children really are, and how grateful I am that they are a part of my life.

How to write a memory book for your children:

1. Buy or find a notebook - either blank or lined.  Or you can write on whatever scrap of paper you can find and bundle the pages together.

2. Find a quiet moment (once the kids are in bed or before they get home from school) and write them a letter.  Talk about whatever you like.  The weather, what they’ve been up to, how you feel about them.  Try not to censor, just write.  And don’t worry about perfect grammar, just write.

3. Add photos or pictures if you like.

That’s it.  Easy!  All it takes is half an hour to an hour of your time.  But it’s value is worth so much more.  Enjoy!

Can you feel it in the air?

The nights are crisp but already the days are getting warmer! The sun is peeking out and I can feel a tickle in my nose and an itch in the back of my throat. After a long, rainy (very welcomed of course) winter I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy to welcome hayfever!

Spring. What a fabulous time to brush off the cobwebs of a winter trapped inside and get out and about with the kids. Improve your and your children’s fitness and general wellbeing and reignite their curiosity in the world.

There are so many things to do. You can start with a simple walk in the park and a play in the playground but I’m an advocate of the slightly more interesting.

How about a bike ride? There are many bike seats out there for children, front and rear mounted or tandem trail behinds but what to do with the littler ones who are prone to falling asleep, head lolling?

Try a bike trailer. Your kids can happily potter about in the back with a few toys, a drink and a snack enjoying the view whilst you improve your fitness.

Bike trailers range in price but if cost is an issue many bike rental shops have them available for hire.

We recently hired one and rode the Riesling Trail in the Clare Valley South Australia. 20 kilometres later and we realized we could be a bit fitter but what a lovely family outing - riding through vineyards, stopping at the local pub for lunch, a few little wine tastes (in moderation of course). Beautiful!

Or how about a hike in the hills? There are plenty of tracks suitable for little legs but for babies a hiking pack is a must. Take the opportunity to teach your children to savour the great outdoors - look at the new growth, smell the air, look for animal tracks and fresh animal poo! Do a little research beforehand so you can tell your children who’s poo is who’s!

Stop at creeks and ponds and search for yabbies and tadpoles. Feed the ducklings. Enjoy the new life that spring brings to the land. You and your children will feel invigorated by it!

Again hiking packs range in price but you may like to see if you can borrow a friend’s or have a look on ebay.

An outing that is often closer to home is a trip to your local farmers market. It’s a great opportunity to talk to your children about seasonal produce and for them to learn how it all grows and how products are made. It is also a great way to promote healthy, interesting eating.

A friend’s four year old daughter Lucy picks something each week to try that she has never had before. Some items they have tried so far have been venison sausages, a runny goats cheese, sheeps milk, kumquats, pumpkin bread and silvanberries. The results have been mixed but even when the taste isn’t quite to her palate, Lucy loves the thrill of the search and the risk of trying something new.

And finally, get out into the garden!

What a wonderful time to explore the new growth and to plant some spring vegetables or flowers.
It doesn’t need to be involved, some seeds in a pot on the window sill is just as exciting as growing a large crop.

Try growing herbs - taste and smell them and talk about what food you could put them in. Make simple bottles of herb scented olive oils.

Crush lavender and rosemary in a little piece of cloth and run your child’s bath water through it for an aromatherapy bath. Sprinkle in some flower petals…And when your children are in bed, have an aromatherapy bath yourself! Bliss!

Spring presents us with so many options so make the most of it.

You and your children will feel better for it!

Emma Anderson
Childcare professional and mother

Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as though no one can hear you,
Love as though heaven is on earth.

Souza

I have this on a fridge magnet at home and it seems to me that this is a good philosophy for parents to follow.

Our children need us to be able to spontaneously join in their imaginative play, to be able to sing and dance without embarrassment and to love them unconditionally.

At playgroup we always finish with a group song time and it is clear that singing is no longer part of the Australian culture - we have become observers or listeners to professionals, but we don’t feel comfortable singing in public.

Children love to hear their parents’ voices close to them, singing a lullaby or having fun singing a silly song.
They learn how to use their voices in different ways and increase their vocabulary.
Songs can tell a story, calm a child, move a child from one experience to another, make children want to get up and dance and encourage counting.

But best of all they can be fun and a shared family experience - so sing as though no one can hear you.

Judyth Roberts
Seaton Central

I recently spoke to a friend of mine. An amazing mother. 

She told me the story of a trip to a local park in Sydney where the council pulls from a bus wonderful activities for children of all ages to experience.

She took her twin boys along even though she had an inkling that they might be a bit ratty and tantrums might be brewing.  She was right.

Both boys were so difficult that she decided that it was home time. That’s when the tantrums started.

Apparently she left the park with a laden backpack on her back, one son screaming under one arm, unceremoniously dragging her other son by the wrist behind her and bumping the pram towards the car with her hips.

It may sound funny but it wasn’t to her. She was distraught by the situation. She was embarrased, frustrated and utterly exhausted.

She passed lots of people on the way to the car (she was now in tears) and most of them were watching with interest.Not one offered help.

She said to me in our conversation that if someone could have just helped push the pram it would have made the world of difference.

People can be cautious about offering strangers help especially in parenting situations. But what’s the worst that can happen if you do offer? The person says no.

And I think it’s important to remember that it could be you next time. Wouldn’t it be easier if we were all in this together? 

Emma Anderson Childcare professional and mother to Jasper 

Jodie Benveniste, director of Parent Wellbeing, will be speaking at Westfield Tea Tree Plaza in Adelaide with Olympic basketballer Rachel Sporn as part of Westfield’s ‘Mum Coach’ series on Monday 28th of July 2008 at 10am.

They’ll be divulging the secrets to increasing mum’s wellbeing and it’s got little to do with trying to find the impossible ‘me time’.

The event is part of Westfield’s ‘We Are Family’ campaign.

Approximately 160 interactive in-centre events will be held in 32 Westfield centres across the nation on a range of topics for mums.

Each Westfield centre will host between two to six interactive events led by local and national Australian experts based on:

Mum Coach - Helping mums with comprehensive tips for time management
The First 12 Months - Navigating the trials and joys of the first twelve months of parenting
Working Mums Club - Tips for balancing work and family for mums looking to join the workforce or mums already in the workforce
It Takes a Village - Experts join mums for a community forum to talk about a range of topics
DIY Beauty - To look and feel refreshed, some practical tips to help you feel better through do it yourself beauty routines
Laughter is the Best Medicine - Leading mum comediennes provide laughter on the silly and sublime of motherhood
Taming the Toddler Tantrum - Practical tips for mums in taming the almighty toddler tantrum
Better Buddies - Understanding bullying both inside and outside the home to create better buddies

For more information about events in your area, please visit www.westfield.com.au/wearefamily

Feeling down and need a boost?  Forget drugs or alcohol.  Instead, watch your baby smile!

Most of us would know that there is something beguiling about our children smiling.  You can forgive them all the sleepless nights, rejected dinners and whinging and whining with one flash of a smile.

And now new research from the Texas Childern’s Hospital explains why.

Apparently, seeing your baby smile creates a rush of blood to the pleasure centres of your brain.  The same area of the brain that responds to drugs and alcohol.

And the bigger your baby’s smile, the greater the pleasurable affect on you.

So next time you’re covered in vomit, every toy, block or book is now on the floor rather than in the toy cupboard, and dinner has ended up on the floor rather than in your toddler’s tummy, find a way to make your children smile, and you might just smile too!

Play builds the kind of free-and-easy, try-it-out, do-it-yourself character that our future needs. We must become more self-conscious and more explicit in our praise and reinforcement as children use unstructured play materials: “That’s good. You use your own ideas….” “That’s good. You did it your way….” “That’s good. You thought it all out yourself.”
James L. Hymes, Jr., child development specialist, author

Young children learn through play so toys that only do one thing (for example a push button figurine) will not encourage a child to extend imaginative play. But sand and water play, gardening, playdough or cooking will provide a lot of opportunity for any child aged from one to twelve or beyond to explore sensory play.
Now the weather is cooler a warm batch of playdough is fun and easy to make.

Playdough Recipe
Into a bowl put:
2 cups plain flour
1 cup salt
2 tablespoons cream of tartar
Into a cup put a teaspoon of food colouring, 2 tablespoons vegetable oil and add 2 cups of very hot water. Mix all together until a firm dough is formed. If it is too wet, put in a microwave oven for 30 seconds. If it is too dry add small amounts of water until it doesn’t crumble.

We made playdough at playgroup today in three colours and allowed the children to experiment mixing yellow and blue playdough to make green. Each family took home a bag of rainbow playdough and the recipe to continue the fun.

Judyth Roberts
Seaton Central

This week at playgroup the children and parents were planting bulbs in pots.
Bulbs are big enough and hardy enough to enable young children to handle them and plant them and have success growing a plant.

Two of the mothers asked for help. They told me they had never planted anything before.
The children and parents enjoyed the experience which I have always taken for granted - getting your fingers dirty, adding some water to the mix, planting and waiting and watching things grow. It made me think about all the things we learn through interacting with a garden…watching the different seasons and the changes they bring, waiting for things to grow, eating some fruit and plants, admiring the flowers or leaves of others, examining the bugs, butterflies and birds that visit, digging up worms, composting green waste and of course making mud pies.

Playgroup is a good place to try some messy play like gluing, painting, wet sand, cooking with flour and water, gloop and gardening. Children learn through sensory play that no toy can replace.

Judyth Roberts
Seaton Central Communities for Children

Lack of sleep can cause a lot of stress within a family. There are a lot of pamphlets and web sites offering help, but it can be very hard to make the changes needed to enable a child to get to sleep and to stay asleep. Sleep deprivation causes parents to lose their temper and children to perform poorly at home and school.

Dr Sarah Blunden is the Senior Paediatric Sleep Research Fellow at the University of SA and her answer to sleep issues is: “It’s not a problem until it is a problem for you.” So if your child wakes three times a night but you are able to manage a broken night, then it’s not a problem. If you have a small child sleeping in your bed but it doesn’t bother you, then it’s not a problem.
However, if you’d like to be able to make changes to sleep routines that enable a longer, less disturbed sleep for everyone, then it’s a problem and you can do it. Help is at hand! Dr Blunden (sarah.blunden@unisa.edu.au) is running sleep clinics at two locations in Adelaide offering small group and one to one advice and support to enable families to get the sleep they need.

Judyth Roberts
Seaton Central
Community Development Facilitator
jroberts@ucwpa.org.au