Combining work and family takes military grade logistics, Mother Theresa patience, and marathon runner stamina - and that’s just for getting out the front door!

Now, I like those time management tips for busy parents that say - prepare everything the night before, lay out your clothes, make the lunches, pack the bags etc, etc.

But at the end of a long day, the last thing I want to do is think of tomorrow’s lunches and scrounge around for the library books and bag.

Sometimes, I manage it - but other times I don’t.

And even when I do, kids have a way a making something that should take a minute, take an hour.

So even the best advance preparation doesn’t always help.

Here are my tips for getting out of the house on time with your sanity - as well as the children - in tact:

1. Be realistic
You may be able to grab your bag and get out of the house within a few seconds, but your toddler will need to find his ruggie, stop to pat the cat, complain that you opened the door instead of him, and jump in the puddles instead of get in the car.

2. Promote responsibility
Your school age child may still want the star treatment, ‘Fetch my school bag, lunch box and communication book, mum. And no blue smarties!’ But teaching her a simple morning routine - get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth, and pack bag - helps you and her.

3. Stay calm
When your daughter is still playing with her ponies rather than putting on her shoes, and your son has upended a bottle of milk on the kitchen floor, it takes Mother Theresa patience not to scream and yell. Instead, breathe and think ‘I’m an absolute saint for calmly cleaning up the milk and calmly requesting my daughter to put on her shoes.’

4. Appreciate the good
In every situation, no matter how busy, stressful or frustrating, there are always pockets of good. So instead of getting irritated at your toddler for pulling off his jumper for the third time, admire, just for a moment, his tenacity.

5. Think energy not time
We all have too much to do and too little time. And there will never be enough time. But if you focus on getting out the door without feeling like you’ve been hit by a train, then that is probably more important than whether you are running 5 minutes late.

I’d love to hear your tips.

And for more info about getting out of the house on time, check out Wondertime magazine.  The Australian launch issue is available in all good newsagents now.  It truly is a wonderful read.

Jodie Benveniste, Director of Parent Wellbeing.

Dear Mem,

Your recent foray into the childcare debate has been both controversial and revealing.

You first claimed that very young babies in full time child care is tantamount to child abuse. You then claimed that you had not intended to offend anyone but were simply speaking up for the babies who cannot speak for themselves.

In response to your critics, you said that feeling threatened, enraged and in denial is ‘normal’ when faced with an uncomfortable truth. And you accused your critics of ‘shooting the messenger’.

But Mem, there would be no need to ‘shoot the messenger’ if the messenger had not ‘shot from the hip’.

To suggest that today’s working parents place ‘their needs and their situations’ above their babies is inflammatory and misguided.

I don’t know any parent who does not want the absolute best for their children. The so called ‘choices people have to make’ are not made lightly, selfishly, nor independently of peer or public opinion.

From my experience, it is not the baby’s needs that are the elephant in the room, it’s the parents’ needs.

Modern day parents are riddled with guilt and anxiety, and are struggling to give their children the best opportunities, pay the mortgage, and fulfill their personal aspirations.

From the first positive pregnancy test, parents are bombarded with information, guidance and advice about what is ‘best for baby’.

‘Eat iron rich foods; don’t eat soft cheeses. Don’t let your baby cry; let your baby cry. Don’t put your child in child care; put your child in child care.’

Confident and committed parents raise confident and contented kids. But the advice, even when well intentioned, often serves to undermine parents’ confidence and affects their better judgment.

Your ‘child care is child abuse’ comments, even if paraphrasing a child care professional, serve as more grist to the parent guilt mill.

We need an honest, open and productive debate about the work family intersection but Mem, your comments, were unhelpful.

Instead, let’s discuss:

1. How the vast majority of parents prefer to care for their young babies at home, as according to 2005 ABS statistics, only 7% of children in formal childcare (long day care, family day care, with a registered nanny) are under twelve months old, and 47% of children under 12 months attend childcare for 10 hours or less a week.

2. How, Australia, along with the United States, is one of the few modernized, Western democracies without a paid maternity leave system, which would help families defer their return to work.

3. How un-family friendly workplace cultures and structures penalize women and men who take time out of the workforce or want to work part-time when their children are young by limiting their career aspirations and reducing their income potential.

4. And how, definitive research conducted by work family pioneer Ellen Galinsky from the Families and Work Institute in the US showed that what affects attachment between mother and child is not mothers’ working or children in child care but whether the mother is warm and responsive. According to Galinsky, ‘When mothers are doing what they think is right for themselves and their families, children prosper.’
Debates around child care, working parents, and working mothers in particular, are emotionally wrought and highly charged.

The decisions families make are complex and complicated, and are not without emotional anguish.

Parents go ‘out on a limb’ everyday to manage the challenges and stresses of caring for their family the best way they know how.

If anything gives, it is the parent’s wellbeing.

By supporting rather than harassing parents, and focusing on effective public policy, we can help parents love and care for their children.

So Mem, my message to you, is next time you decide to weigh in on the child care debate do so with compassion for all involved - babies and parents included.

Jodie Benveniste

Director and Founder of Parent Wellbeing

GetUp! have recently launched a campaign to gather signatures calling for a minimum of six months paid parental leave. They’ll then deliver the petition to the Productivity Commission, who have been investigating paid maternity leave, and the federal Government.

As mentioned in their campaign:

‘Australia is one of only two developed countries without paid maternity leave. The government is looking into the issue, but unless there’s overwhelming community support they won’t set six to twelve months as a minimum standard - a standard supported by research on health and development, social welfare and economics.’

Sign up here:

www.getup.org.au/campaign/AllTheOtherKidsAreDoingIt

Let’s make it happen!

Jodie Benveniste, director and founder of Parent Wellbeing, recently appeared on Channel 10’s ‘9am with David & Kim’.

She helped Kate Franklin, mum to 2 year old Gabriel, prepare emotionally to return to work.

To watch the video, please click here:

http://9am.ten.com.au/6949.htm

Jodie’ top tips include:

1. Enjoy your work.
2. Kids will be happy if you are happy.
3. Focus on the positive.