Dear Mem,

Your recent foray into the childcare debate has been both controversial and revealing.

You first claimed that very young babies in full time child care is tantamount to child abuse. You then claimed that you had not intended to offend anyone but were simply speaking up for the babies who cannot speak for themselves.

In response to your critics, you said that feeling threatened, enraged and in denial is ‘normal’ when faced with an uncomfortable truth. And you accused your critics of ‘shooting the messenger’.

But Mem, there would be no need to ‘shoot the messenger’ if the messenger had not ‘shot from the hip’.

To suggest that today’s working parents place ‘their needs and their situations’ above their babies is inflammatory and misguided.

I don’t know any parent who does not want the absolute best for their children. The so called ‘choices people have to make’ are not made lightly, selfishly, nor independently of peer or public opinion.

From my experience, it is not the baby’s needs that are the elephant in the room, it’s the parents’ needs.

Modern day parents are riddled with guilt and anxiety, and are struggling to give their children the best opportunities, pay the mortgage, and fulfill their personal aspirations.

From the first positive pregnancy test, parents are bombarded with information, guidance and advice about what is ‘best for baby’.

‘Eat iron rich foods; don’t eat soft cheeses. Don’t let your baby cry; let your baby cry. Don’t put your child in child care; put your child in child care.’

Confident and committed parents raise confident and contented kids. But the advice, even when well intentioned, often serves to undermine parents’ confidence and affects their better judgment.

Your ‘child care is child abuse’ comments, even if paraphrasing a child care professional, serve as more grist to the parent guilt mill.

We need an honest, open and productive debate about the work family intersection but Mem, your comments, were unhelpful.

Instead, let’s discuss:

1. How the vast majority of parents prefer to care for their young babies at home, as according to 2005 ABS statistics, only 7% of children in formal childcare (long day care, family day care, with a registered nanny) are under twelve months old, and 47% of children under 12 months attend childcare for 10 hours or less a week.

2. How, Australia, along with the United States, is one of the few modernized, Western democracies without a paid maternity leave system, which would help families defer their return to work.

3. How un-family friendly workplace cultures and structures penalize women and men who take time out of the workforce or want to work part-time when their children are young by limiting their career aspirations and reducing their income potential.

4. And how, definitive research conducted by work family pioneer Ellen Galinsky from the Families and Work Institute in the US showed that what affects attachment between mother and child is not mothers’ working or children in child care but whether the mother is warm and responsive. According to Galinsky, ‘When mothers are doing what they think is right for themselves and their families, children prosper.’
Debates around child care, working parents, and working mothers in particular, are emotionally wrought and highly charged.

The decisions families make are complex and complicated, and are not without emotional anguish.

Parents go ‘out on a limb’ everyday to manage the challenges and stresses of caring for their family the best way they know how.

If anything gives, it is the parent’s wellbeing.

By supporting rather than harassing parents, and focusing on effective public policy, we can help parents love and care for their children.

So Mem, my message to you, is next time you decide to weigh in on the child care debate do so with compassion for all involved - babies and parents included.

Jodie Benveniste

Director and Founder of Parent Wellbeing

Part 1

Spring is a great time to introduce children to gardening. The ground is still moist from winter and the warmer days mean plants germinate and grow with abundance.

Gardening can help children connect and understand about the seasons, plants and animals that live alongside them and importantly the food we eat. It can provide fun and fascination for big and little people alike and there is always something for everyone. It just takes some dedicated time, patience and creativity to get started.

1. Planning

Start with a brainstorm session with the children about what they might like to grow. Are they interested in growing vegetables, flowers, herbs, succulents, fruit or a combination? Take into account their ages and attention spans; my youngest child loves easy to grow brightly coloured calendula flowers whilst the eldest has attempted to grow more unusual edible vegetables like dinosaur gourds.

Do they want a plot of soil or are they happy to use Styrofoam containers filled with compost, plant pots or something on a window ledge? (Of course work out what you have available before offering choices!)

Choose plants that suit your area and climate; remember the aim for your child’s garden is to be an inspiring and motivating experience for them. Try unusual plants and seeds such as three colour carrots, purple potatoes and yellow tomatoes! Fast growing seeds are good such as radish, sunflowers, nasturtiums, rocket and peas.

Consider size of seeds versus age of child. The younger the child, the larger the seed the better! Most children manage bean sized seeds or alternately use seeds that come cheaply in ‘bulk’ and don’t matter if they get spread around such as sunflowers and lupins .

2. Organisation

Seeds (including the unusual ones) can be ordered online (see below); or a family trip to the local garden centre may be the go. If your children are a little impatient it can be worthwhile to buy some flowers and vegetables in punnets so they have something ‘instant’ to watch whilst waiting for their seeds to come up.

Work out where in the garden the bed is going to be. Give them ownership of the bed (however small) to grow their veggies, flowers and fruit; don’t be tempted to use some of your own gardening ‘space’.
It must be a sunny open location where plants will grow, yet protected from play activities.
For my son’s first garden spot I had suggested a location that in retrospect was too shaded by overhanging trees as well as being too close to a swing, the plants did not grow well and thus of course his interest waned.

If the soil is poor or rocky and needs lots of preparation work this is best done prior to initiating your children’s garden. (You may wish to consider a no-dig garden).

3. Getting started

Getting the children to define the edges of their garden bed or garden ‘area’ themselves is important. They could perhaps use sticks, rocks, old fencing or whatever takes their fancy.

Once this is done it is important to rake over the site and ensure the plot is weed free; a great job to do together.

If needed some organic animal manure (pellets or composted), blood and bone or compost may be dug in.

If you are considering climbing plants now is the time to put up bamboo rods or fencing stakes for support. Adult assistance is obviously essential during this stage.

If it needs some protection from roaming animals like dogs and chickens don’t forget to do this now.

4. Planting

This is the exciting part for most children; I find with more than one child it is worth staggering the planting to ensure you can supervise and keep calm by focusing on one child at a time!

Guidance with planting method (how deep to plant, how far apart) is essential regardless of age as exuberance often takes over at this stage. Reading the seed packet or a planting guide together beforehand aids this process too.

Marking out rows and plants with labels after planting is invaluable not only to see what is growing but also to remind children where they have planted so they don’t plant over or trample on that spot!

Mulching with materials such as straw, old leaves and lucerne chaff between rows, around plants and on pathways is the final touch. It is worth motivating the children to ‘complete’ their planting with mulching so that future maintenance is less of a chore.

5. Maintenance

Keeping children enthused can be tough, however regular reminders when you yourself are going out in the garden or an offer of your help are great motivators.

Keeping the emerging seedlings free of weeds and the soil topped up with mulch regularly will ensure the plants have the best chance of success.

Remembering to water every 3 or 4 days in warm weather is important, marking a reminder on the calendar can help.

Children may also enjoy filling a watering can every 3-4 weeks with a seaweed solution (many commercial preps available, I use Seasol) and giving their plants a nutrient rich drink. This is safe for children to use.

I encourage you to try and garden organically (not using fertilizers or garden chemicals), it is better not only for your children but will also encourages beneficial bugs and earthworms in the soil and garden which will give additional fascination !

Note: No-dig gardening involves layering straw, animal manure and compost, see online or Ester Deans book ‘no-dig gardening’ for more information.

Mail order non-hybrid seeds available at www.diggers.com.au; www.edenseeds.com.au; www.greenpatch.com.au; www.selectorganic.com.au and www.greenharvest.com.au.

Happy gardening!

Next time; Part 2: From the garden and beyond .

Rachel Furbank
Sustainable living eco mum

Can you feel it in the air?

The nights are crisp but already the days are getting warmer! The sun is peeking out and I can feel a tickle in my nose and an itch in the back of my throat. After a long, rainy (very welcomed of course) winter I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy to welcome hayfever!

Spring. What a fabulous time to brush off the cobwebs of a winter trapped inside and get out and about with the kids. Improve your and your children’s fitness and general wellbeing and reignite their curiosity in the world.

There are so many things to do. You can start with a simple walk in the park and a play in the playground but I’m an advocate of the slightly more interesting.

How about a bike ride? There are many bike seats out there for children, front and rear mounted or tandem trail behinds but what to do with the littler ones who are prone to falling asleep, head lolling?

Try a bike trailer. Your kids can happily potter about in the back with a few toys, a drink and a snack enjoying the view whilst you improve your fitness.

Bike trailers range in price but if cost is an issue many bike rental shops have them available for hire.

We recently hired one and rode the Riesling Trail in the Clare Valley South Australia. 20 kilometres later and we realized we could be a bit fitter but what a lovely family outing - riding through vineyards, stopping at the local pub for lunch, a few little wine tastes (in moderation of course). Beautiful!

Or how about a hike in the hills? There are plenty of tracks suitable for little legs but for babies a hiking pack is a must. Take the opportunity to teach your children to savour the great outdoors - look at the new growth, smell the air, look for animal tracks and fresh animal poo! Do a little research beforehand so you can tell your children who’s poo is who’s!

Stop at creeks and ponds and search for yabbies and tadpoles. Feed the ducklings. Enjoy the new life that spring brings to the land. You and your children will feel invigorated by it!

Again hiking packs range in price but you may like to see if you can borrow a friend’s or have a look on ebay.

An outing that is often closer to home is a trip to your local farmers market. It’s a great opportunity to talk to your children about seasonal produce and for them to learn how it all grows and how products are made. It is also a great way to promote healthy, interesting eating.

A friend’s four year old daughter Lucy picks something each week to try that she has never had before. Some items they have tried so far have been venison sausages, a runny goats cheese, sheeps milk, kumquats, pumpkin bread and silvanberries. The results have been mixed but even when the taste isn’t quite to her palate, Lucy loves the thrill of the search and the risk of trying something new.

And finally, get out into the garden!

What a wonderful time to explore the new growth and to plant some spring vegetables or flowers.
It doesn’t need to be involved, some seeds in a pot on the window sill is just as exciting as growing a large crop.

Try growing herbs - taste and smell them and talk about what food you could put them in. Make simple bottles of herb scented olive oils.

Crush lavender and rosemary in a little piece of cloth and run your child’s bath water through it for an aromatherapy bath. Sprinkle in some flower petals…And when your children are in bed, have an aromatherapy bath yourself! Bliss!

Spring presents us with so many options so make the most of it.

You and your children will feel better for it!

Emma Anderson
Childcare professional and mother

On Sunday, Kerryn, Caroline and myself, three mums, completed our first half marathon.
We ran 21 km from the beach to the city. Only a few months ago, none of us could run further than 5 km. So how did we do it?

It all began one Saturday morning in February. Coach Christine was getting a running group together. Nothing too challenging. We began with a 3 km run and walk, and our goal was to run 10 km to the beach suburb of Glenelg for a coffee. Within 10 weeks, we were sipping lattes by the seaside.

It was time for another goal. A few of us talked about a half marathon. Coach Christine devised another running schedule, but by the time we’d built up to 16 km runs, people were dropping out of the group due to busy schedules, winter rain and sore bodies.

But a few of us kept at it. We kept running 10 or 12 km most Saturdays, and we ran 15 or 16 km a few weeks before the half marathon. And even though our preparation wasn’t ideal, we decided to go for it.

The night before the race, we got the husbands and kids together for a pasta meal. Then on a blustery Sunday morning, we fronted up at the Henley Beach sailing club. We pinned on our numbers, and lined up at the start.

And we ran. And we kept on running for 2 hours and 15 minutes. Until we were greeted by our husbands and children at the finish line. My daughter had drawn a fairy path picture for me. Kerryn’s son had made her a ‘you’re my hero’ card. And Caroline’s kids had made her a trophy out of plastic tubs and toilet rolls.

We were buggered, but we did it. We set ourselves a goal. We started out slowly. We did it together. And it was exhilarating.

In an earlier blog, I talked about challenging ourselves to do something new. And not holding ourselves back by believing that what is possible is impossible.  Read more here.

So this month, as the sun reemerges, the blossoms bloom, and the air warms, what is your half marathon?

Jodie Benveniste
Director and founder of Parent Wellbeing

The recent comments in Adelaide’s Sunday Mail by leading children’s author Mem Fox have caused an almighty uproar. And rightfully so!

Mem Fox author of such children’s classics as Possum Magic and Where is the Green Sheep? described child care for young children as tantamount to ‘child abuse’ and something that Australia would look back on with regret.

As a childcare professional and mother I do believe that the ideal situation for a child of six weeks is to be at home with Mum or Dad but I do not believe that if that child should need to go into care that it is equal to child abuse!

The comments made by Mem Fox are offensive on so many levels. To mothers, fathers and families and to child care providers around the country.

First let’s look at some facts.

According to a study undertaken by the Bureau of Statistics in 2005, the percentage of children under the age of 1 year in formal childcare (long day care, family day care, with a registered nanny) was just 7%. That is 7% of all children in childcare.

And 47% of children under 1 year attended childcare for 10 hours a week or less.

So there are very few babies in full time care in Australia.

From my perspective as a childcare worker, who for 10 years worked in infant and toddler rooms, I have only ever had one baby under 3 months in my care and that child was in for 3 days a week. Not full time care.

There has been ongoing debate about whether child care is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ for children.

A recent Edith Cowan University study, undertaken by Dr Margaret Sims, measured levels of cortisol (a hormone resulting from stress) in 156 selected children from 16 centres.

While children from caring homes were stressed when placed in poor-quality care centres, stress levels did decline in children from disadvantaged homes, despite the low levels of care.

Good quality centres positively affected children from both types of homes, with the stress levels of disadvantaged children falling drastically. Sims states:

‘I don’t want to say poor-quality child care is OK because it’s not. But for some children poor-quality child care is better than what they’re getting at home. If they go into really good quality care, however, you see an even bigger drop in their cortisol levels.’

So the research shows that high quality care is good for children.

Although I believe Mem Fox’s comments to be inflammatory and quite unfounded, they do raise the point about the importance of quality childcare and paid maternity leave in Australia.

If there was a system of government sponsored paid maternity leave in Australia, fewer young children would need to be in childcare.

And when the government and society fully recognizes the importance of high quality early childhood care, child/ staff ratios would be lowered and child care workers would be paid a better wage which would attract more people to the profession, lower staff turnover and encourage more child care workers to become qualified.

Again, good quality child care can have excellent benefits for children. When we recognize that quality is so much more important than profit, major improvements can be made in the early childhood sector.

In my experience, child care workers are quite a selfless bunch. They work in a profession that can be highly stressful, emotionally demanding and is poorly paid and they do it because they love the children and families they work with. Mem Fox’s comments are insulting to both childcare workers and the children’s parents.

And most importantly, mothers and fathers do not need to suffer the guilt that Mem Fox heaps upon them.
To say that children are only in childcare so their parents can gain financially and materialistically is naïve, short sighted and out of touch.

In these tough economic times many families need duel incomes just to keep up with interest rate increases and basic costs of living. For many families it’s not about handbags and holidays.

There is also the plain fact that parents often need to be someone else beside a parent. We know that work can provide stimulation for parents increasing their wellbeing and happiness. And parents who are happy pass that happiness onto their children.

Parenting can be a tough job; a break from your children can be a haven in your week and sometimes another point of view or opinion from a qualified person can be a real bonus. This is one of the benefits that child care can offer - another person gets to know you and your child and that person can help you better care for your child. It’s can be a win - win situation for parents and children.

I’d like to finish off with comments made to The Australian by Maxine McKew, Parliamentary Secretary for Early Education and Child Care on the statements made by Mem Fox:

“Who needs another guilt trip? That would be my first comment. The fact that more women than ever are in the workforce, having babies and more children than ever are in formal childcare is an extraordinary vote of confidence in the system,” she said.

“Something like 57 per cent of women are back in the workforce by the time their child is 18 months of age. Now Australian women aren’t stupid, they make discerning decisions about the quality of care that they have for their children.

“There’s an inflammatory side to her comments which as I say, I hope sensible women will ignore her comments quite frankly.”

Thanks Maxine. I agree wholeheartedly!

Emma Anderson
Childcare professional and mother

I went to a Business Chicks breakfast recently and the speaker was Anne McKevitt. If you don’t know of Anne, here is a short summary of her story.As a 15 year old, Anne left working class Scotland to become hair stylist to the stars in London. After surviving a horrific car accident she was told she wouldn’t walk again, that is, until Linda & Paul McCartnery sponsored alternative rehab and she made a full recovery. She then began a globally, successful interior design, property development and homewares business which included TV series, books, and lifestyle products (think a UK version of Martha Stewart, without the time in jail!). She now heads up 22 businesses, is on Bill Clinton’s Clinton Global Initiative, and leads a number of social and humanitarian projects. You can read more of her story here.

She is a success by anyone’s yardstick. So how did she do it? The answer is simpler than you might think - She believed she could.

Anne asked two important questions of her audience at the breakfast. The first question was, Where is your line between possible and impossible? Most people, she said, have a line. Unlike most people, Anne does not. She believes the impossible is possible. Where do you draw your line? How do you hold yourself back? Can you achieve more than you think?

Anne’s second important question was, When was the last time you tried something new? Most of us take the same route to work, have our coffee the same way every morning, and brush our teeth the same way every night before bed. We are creatures of habit. Rituals and regularity are, of course, beneficial. Without them, life can be chaotic. But sometimes we need to extend beyond our comfort zone by pushing and challenging ourselves to try something new.

So this month, we challenge you to try something new. Order a chai latte instead of a cappuccino. Get on your bike instead of driving to work. Start yoga, pilates, scrap booking, mosaics, Taekundo, archery - anything! And see what it feels like to do something new.

Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as though no one can hear you,
Love as though heaven is on earth.

Souza

I have this on a fridge magnet at home and it seems to me that this is a good philosophy for parents to follow.

Our children need us to be able to spontaneously join in their imaginative play, to be able to sing and dance without embarrassment and to love them unconditionally.

At playgroup we always finish with a group song time and it is clear that singing is no longer part of the Australian culture - we have become observers or listeners to professionals, but we don’t feel comfortable singing in public.

Children love to hear their parents’ voices close to them, singing a lullaby or having fun singing a silly song.
They learn how to use their voices in different ways and increase their vocabulary.
Songs can tell a story, calm a child, move a child from one experience to another, make children want to get up and dance and encourage counting.

But best of all they can be fun and a shared family experience - so sing as though no one can hear you.

Judyth Roberts
Seaton Central

GetUp! have recently launched a campaign to gather signatures calling for a minimum of six months paid parental leave. They’ll then deliver the petition to the Productivity Commission, who have been investigating paid maternity leave, and the federal Government.

As mentioned in their campaign:

‘Australia is one of only two developed countries without paid maternity leave. The government is looking into the issue, but unless there’s overwhelming community support they won’t set six to twelve months as a minimum standard - a standard supported by research on health and development, social welfare and economics.’

Sign up here:

www.getup.org.au/campaign/AllTheOtherKidsAreDoingIt

Let’s make it happen!

Jodie Benveniste, director and founder of Parent Wellbeing, recently appeared on Channel 10’s ‘9am with David & Kim’.

She helped Kate Franklin, mum to 2 year old Gabriel, prepare emotionally to return to work.

To watch the video, please click here:

http://9am.ten.com.au/6949.htm

Jodie’ top tips include:

1. Enjoy your work.
2. Kids will be happy if you are happy.
3. Focus on the positive.

Recipe courtesy of www.thefoodcoach.com.au

Low GI, Low sugar, Wheat Free

The riper the banana the more naturally sweet your banana bread will be so don’t be afraid to use the soft black ones that look fit for nothing other than the bin. Banana bread is readily available but none, to my knowledge, use spelt flour or honey to replace sugar. This high energy treat is therefore a healthier option to the commercial cakes found in many shops and cafes.

Ingredients:
1 cup white spelt flour
1 cup wholemeal spelt flour
1 tsp low allergy baking powder
¼ tsp sea salt
1 cup toasted walnuts, chopped
1½ cups ripe bananas, mashed
1/3 cup low fat natural yoghurt
¼ cup honey
2 large eggs, beaten lightly
¼ cup sunflower oil
1 tsp vanilla extract

Prep Time: 15 mins
Cooking Time: 55 mins
Ready in: 1 hr 10 mins

Suitable for: Dessert, Snack

Preparation:
Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius.
Grease and flour a loaf tin.
Combine the flours, baking powder, sea salt and walnuts and set aside.

Method:
Mix the bananas, yoghurt, honey, eggs oil and vanilla together.
Fold the wet ingredients through the dry until combined, but don’t over stir.
Pour the batter into the loaf tin and bake for approx 55 minutes until the loaf is golden and the cake comes away clean from the sides.
Set aside to cool.
Stores for up to 4 days refrigerated.

Makes 10 servings (serve = one slice)

For more delicious recipes from Judy Davie, The Food Coach visit www.thefoodcoach.com.au